| lay down a list of what is wrong
things you've told him all along
pray to God he hears you
and pray to God he hears you.... | comments: Leave a comment   |
| being on weekend duty is so unenjoyable. no one is even here! i serioulsy have gotten like 2 phone calls ALL weekend. i want it to be november already!! i hope i like london. it's going to be so freakin cold when i go. but i'm sure i'll have fun because i'll be with mike. my roommate called him "michael" the other day which was funny and weird because no one calls him michael except me, katie, and his mom. so when she was like, "how is michael?" i was like, who the hell is michael OH hahahahaha.
rachel is a really good friend. this past week was like the worst ever and on wednesday when i was on duty in the college office she came by and she brought me dinner, which i greatly appreciated because i hadn't eaten all day. and it was dinner that she cooked herself, yummm. i felt lucky, and she made my day a whole lot better. and on friday she took me to central islip to see the school district where i need to do observations. thennn we got lunch together. she's such a sweetheart. i miss her cuz i haven't seen her since then. i also miss katie, my mom, and my boyfriend. stupid texas, stupid london, and stupid garrison.
training day is a pretty crazy ass movie. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| “Espero que la marcha sea feliz y espero no volver."
her hands are in the air again
stripped of pride
she was waiting for a sign to be let in
she tried to stop a train for him
without shoes
and he was so amused
she needs a reason to parade on
she needs a new road to pave
she needs a reason to parade on
it's wearing her outsides thin
there's someone there to save
you wonder why she gives and gives
till it burns
and there is nothing he can give her in return
she'd live and die by make-believe
her frozen heart
well he can't wait around while she gets blown apart
the distance won't know which way you should go
cuz we are not built so we can float
we are what we are
but that seems so far
parting the Red Sea is easier
it's time to introduce herself
she's dethroned
like some lonesome dusty book upon his shelf
well she needs a reason to parade on
she needs a new road to pave
she needs a reason to parade on
it's wearing her outsides thin
there's someone there to save
there's nothing i can say | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i'm officially pathetic. not really a news flash.
so nostalgic...for spain, for my family, for you, and mostly for a simpler time that i'm probably imagining. every moment in which my mind is not occupied, each ounce of energy i do not expend on my own meaningless daily tasks - it's consumed by the nothingness that has so quickly taken your place. i've cried every day this week. my heart is overtaken with the sting of resentment. i'm so angry with you for leaving me. i do not want to be, but how can i help it? i crave the closeness that is presently denied me by the ocean that separates us by your will and not by mine. your face flashes into my mind involuntarily at all the wrong moments. in class, while i'm trying to sleep, in the empty aisles of a twenty-four hour grocery store for god's sake. the instant i think of you, i remember not the four [mostly] beautiful years we've shared thus far, but instead of the four lonely months that lie ahead. at that moment, i long for you, and therefore i long for december. and what good does that do me- to wish for something that will come only when it pleases? i want you. but i don't want you on some abstract and obscure level of which my own life is not a part. i want you. in my own life, and without sacrificing a chunk of my soul every time you decide to leave me. i do not mind giving up my soul or my heart or anything if you'll take it. but it just....goes away. it's not with you or with anyone, it just slowly disappears. i'm so tired. i'm tired of wishing my life away. for you. i don't want to disappear. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollow, baby
i'm so hollow | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i won a 1,000 dollar scholarship and an award from my department at stony brook. my professor told me he was nominating me and it was nice of him/flattering, but i didn't really think i'd win. but i did!! it's for most promising work in early american history or history of the new york region. so yay. :) i got the email from the department director today and the money is already credited to my account for next year.
today was a great day. on top of getting the scholarship, i looked to see if any more grades had been posted and it turns out that i got an A- in education...the class that i thought would kill my gpa (i was grossin my fingers for like a B and about to be relatively satisfied with a B-). my mex history teacher gave me an A but i already knew that cuz he told me. :) now i'm just waiting on the other 3: modern euro history, US criminal justice history, and music history. those classes should pretty much be shoe-in As. but i shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. also today, i went to my nana and pop's for lunch and had homemade chicken noodle soup. then i came home and got my brother from school and my uncle joe showed up at the house to say hi cuz i told him i was coming home this week. and he stayed for a while and we just bullshitted and such. thennnn i hung out with my mom for a bit before heading over to west point to see KATIE!!!! and rachel. :) so fun. we got food, which was great. park restaurant coffee freakin rules. and katie got me a pink hat and tshirt from UT and they're cuuuute. :) my suitemates would laugh at me....i own like all pink clothing haha. everytime they see something pink in the stores they think of me and want to get it for me LoL.
so yay for a fun day. i hope i get this job for the summer. have an interview thingy on friday. if i don't, i'll still be working at sandy's a few days a week, which isn't paying, but it's fun and good experience, blah de blah. :)
on a slightly depressing note, i miss my boyfriend. but he'll be here soon enough, i suppose. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| under the weight of your wings
you are a god and whatever i want you to be
and i wonder if truly you are
nearly as beautiful as i believe
in my head, your voice
you've got all that i need
and this make-believe will get me through another
lonely night
...fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
melancholy and cool, kinda bittersweet
love on repeat
i'm echoing all your philosophies...
i love that song. today i took my last final (at 8 in the damn morning!) and now i'm just waiting for my mom to get here so i can pack the car and get the hell outta here. though, it's bittersweet because i'll be moving into another building next semester and jenn and steph are both transferring, so it'll just be me, susan, and ali....so sad. but we're getting together in a few weeks for ali's birthday, which is good. :) i can't wait to see my family, and katie, and michael (though i won't see HIM for a couple more weeks). pray that my exams all went as well as i think they did! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i don't like feeling trapped. i also don't like feeling like i'm trapping someone else. so why am i in this situation time and again? i can't speak my mind because the things that come out produce too many problems that you don't have the time to address. and if i don't say what i need to, it just brews in me and pokes at me all day and makes me feel like a needy bitch. i can't believe it's come to this. when did i become this person that i don't even like? i don't really believe that i'm expecting too much, but yet my confidence is shaken and i feel completely pathetic. why should i justify the things i need and deserve? and why do you have to make me feel like i'm that girl? did i let you turn me into her...into this codependent girly girl who can't live a day without you? why do you not see how goddamn vulnerable i am? i don't want to call because you obviously don't want to discuss the things that are a problem for me. i try and try over and over again and you just fucking sit idly by. when exactly did this role reversal happen? i'm constantly pulling things out of my ass to make this whole thing work and you're just standing there!
this is completely unfair. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait?
just one chance
just one breath
just in case this just wont last
cuz you know
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
too far away for far too long
i keep dreaming
you'll be with me and you never go
i'll stop breathing if i don't see you anymore
on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
cuz with you, i'd withstand
all hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
it'd be for us
give anything, but i won't give up
cuz you know
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
too far away for far too long
i keep dreaming
you'll be with me and you never go
i'll stop breathing if i don't see you anymore
i wanted
i wanted you to stay
cuz i needed
i need to hear you say
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
cuz i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold onto me and never let me go | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | tori - caught a lite sneeze | | Current Location: | home | | Time: | 04:51 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/angry.gif) enraged |
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| i feel like smoke is going to start coming out of my ears anytime now....i'm fucking fuming. i can't remember the last time i was seriously this angry. me and rachel always talk about making a list for boys....a list of retarded fucking things not to do to/with your girlfriend, or any girl for that matter, and things TO DO. i'm starting it now.
1. don't fucking be an asshole. it's really not that hard...if you're not an asshole, you won't have a problem, but since you're fucking retarded and require more detailed instructions, here you go....
2. don't call me a bitch. don't ever fucking call a girl a bitch. it's in bad fucking taste and will cause you a broken fucking nose and a lack of a girlfriend. don't fucking call me a bitch. in fact, even if you're joking, don't do it....it's just not smart.
3. if you get hung up on, fucking swallow your pride and call the fuck back. it was probably you're fault anyway, so just shut the fuck up. and don't you fucking hang up on me. what's that, double standard, you say?? YOU'RE A MALE, shut the fuck up about double standards, you don't know the fucking half of it.
4. i'm always fucking right. this one may not apply to all girls, but it fucking applies to me. ask my friends, ask my parents, or ask anyone...the fact is i'm the smartest fucking person you'll ever meet and i'm always fucking right. don't ever insult my intelligence because it's laughable when people challange me, i really find it hillarious. not to mention fucking obnoxious...it requires too much explanation and you should just stop asking questions and listen to me because it saves my time and yours. yes, i'm conceited...just accept it and move on because i have the goods to back it up, and you know it.
5. LISTEN, take notice, and use common sense. if i'm upset or angry, you should be able to fucking tell. and if that's the case, you better do your best to fix it....i don't care if it cuts into your life at the moment.
that's all i have at the moment, but since men are fucking idiots, the list is bound to be endless. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| had a suite outting last weekend (minus my stephy cuz she was home) to the spring break kick off carnival. it was fun and we took a few pictures. good times. :)
( check us out ;) ) | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:08 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/nerdy.gif) dorky |
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| Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.
1.) the beautiful weather we've been having
2.) bullshitting with latoya, jenn, jen, sasha, zora, and everyone else @ work
3.) speaking spanish
4.) talking to my mom on the phone
5.) text messages
6.) the rent soundtrack
7.) new skirts
8.) workouts
9.) sex and the city
10.) getting mail - especially packages from my grandma!!!
i have no friends except katie, so i pick her. go! and mike too if he happens to read this???? fat chance....i miss him like woah. good news = going to spain for a month this summer, got nominated by 3 of my professors for a history dept. research grant for a junior honors thesis (gonna be a busy lady next year!!), got inducted into phi alpha theta. bad news = susan is in the hospital. :'( hope she gets better asap. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| it's 7am on a saturday and i'm fucking awake. i went to bed at midnight because i had (and still have) a killer headache. then my suitemates were mad loud and kept waking me up and i finally woke up for good at like 5 and haven't gone back to sleep since. i'm not even that tired....it's like i took a 5 hour power nap and now i can get up. not cool, cuz i might go in to work today and i'm gonna be so exhausted. today was my night to really sleep. :( i'm just lying here watching vh1 because it's the only channel that's not playing infomercials right now haha.
mike never called me tonight....i know it sounds needy but i'm used to talking to him every night before i go to sleep, so maybe that's why i'm up. i'm supposed to go out to breakfast with rachel this morning - let's see if i wind up passing back out right before we're supposed to leave.
dharma and greg is a pretty funny show. time to take more tylonol and maybe sleep? please god? :( | | comments: Leave a comment |
| some recent news:
1. gonna be an RA next semester in Mount
2. got a new computer - 12in. ibook
3. had a micheal here for 4 whole days this weekend
4. natty ice makes you mad sick and gross feeling
5. beer pong is fun - but would be more fun if played with non natty ice.
6. got into a summer program with purchase college to go to burgos, espana. but i don't know if i'm going yet or not because it falls in the MIDDLE of the summer and splits it up into two other halves for which i really need a job that will let me leave for 5 weeks. :)
7. the libertine was not such a great movie as i thought it'd be...but johnny depp is still pretty badass.
how was everyone else's weekend(i'm completely uns ure of where to put the apostrophe in "elses" because the sentence sucks to begin with haha)??? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i love:
rachel
my mom
the olympics
prof. miller
schubert art songs
cleaning
life is good when you're going home to see your favorite people ever (minus 2, one of which i see all the time, the other of which HASN'T CALLED ME BACK IN DAYS coughkatiecough hehe). maddie, sarah, and matthew are in the garrison musical this weekend, weeee!!! carolyn copeland, here i am; don't ask me how college is because i do not like you. :)
work really sucked ass tonight, except for the fact that the people i work with are hillarious. no jenn tonight, boo for her cutting down on hours and leaving me during the week. got a new credit card that i can buy my new computer on. :) and NO i'm not an irresponsibly financed college student, how dare you?! hehe.
HOME!!!!!!!!!! here i come :-D | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| i heart the mothafuckin olympics. men's figure skating is simply hillarious and makes me want to dance around. i need to start going out with danni and other gay men again.
work was good tonight. i love my supers, especially helen. we're getting evaluated this week and i hope i don't fail. haha.
RA group process interviews tomorrowat 10am. boo to waking up on a friday morning. but at least it'll force me to go to the gym before work. i got into phil theta alpha. NO, i am not joining a sorority. i'm one of the 19-ish people at stony brook that think greek life is retarded. let me go do stupid shit to pledge my loyalty to a bunch of bitchy superficial bimbos for a whole semester and BUY them as my friends. fucking retarded. phi theta alpha is the national history honors society. inductions next month. also, applying to be a peer advisor in the academic and pre-professional advising center next semester. cuz my life isn't already crazy enough. :)
busy bee me...can't wait to go home next weekend. maddie, sarah, and matthew are in some garrison drama production that's a bunch of shortened rogers and hammerstein things smushed into one show. maddie's playing bernadette or something in the sound of music part...that's one of the von trappe kids. :) cuuuuuute. i miss my family like woah. nana sent me cookies and i got them today. chocolate chip with WALNUTS. i don't ever get to make my cookies with nuts because me, nana, and my mom are the only ones who like them like that. so i got a whole batch of cookies in the mail today and i'm definitely gonna get fat now. plus when michael's here he's bringing me valentine's day chocolate. and i got flowers too. :) SPOILED much?! ;)
wow this was long. go me. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| List seven songs you are into right now (whether they have words or not) and then tag seven more people. Post these instructions in your journal.
[001.] cigarette - ben folds five
[002.] in my secret life - leonard cohen
[003.] on your shore - charlotte martin
[004.] you're so true - joseph arthus
[005.] we belong together - gavin degraw
[006.] almost martyrs - alex and jake parker
[007.] figlio perduto - sarah brightman
i tag whoever is as bored as me and feels like doing this. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | i think i'm gonna dye my hair again. because i want to take out the red. or at least make it less red. i dunno, we'll see. i usually love it red, but i'm sick of it now. mike's coming tonight. but i'll be working when he gets here, so that is kind of sucky, but i couldn't get out of work. going to lunch with rachel as soon as my laundry's done. :) therefore yay. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i really wanna see this new movie something new. really really really wanna see it. also wanna see tristan and isolde. good thing my relationship is like falling the fuck apart, so i won't be able to stomach any of these cutsie movies for a while. but none the less, i will see then eventually for sure.
light breaks underneath
a heavy door
and i try to keep myself awake
fall all around us on a hotel floor
and you think that you've made a mistake
and theres a pain in my stomach
from another sleepless binge
and i struggle to get myself up again
i want to hang onto something
that wont break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart
and globes and maps are all around me now
i want to feel you breathe me
globes and maps i see surround you here
why wont you believe me?
globes and maps they chartered your way back home
do you wanna leave or something?
dreams came around you
in a hazy rain
you open your mouth wide to feel them fall
and i write a letter from a one-way train
but i dont think you'll read it at all
And globes and maps are all around me now
I want to feel you breathe me
why won't you believe me
And globes and maps i see surround you here
why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or something
i cant take this anymore
i know that i cant take this anymore
i cant take this anymore
cuz i know someday i'll see you walk out that door | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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