| lay down a list of what is wrong
things you've told him all along
pray to God he hears you
and pray to God he hears you.... | comments: Leave a comment   |
| being on weekend duty is so unenjoyable. no one is even here! i serioulsy have gotten like 2 phone calls ALL weekend. i want it to be november already!! i hope i like london. it's going to be so freakin cold when i go. but i'm sure i'll have fun because i'll be with mike. my roommate called him "michael" the other day which was funny and weird because no one calls him michael except me, katie, and his mom. so when she was like, "how is michael?" i was like, who the hell is michael OH hahahahaha.
rachel is a really good friend. this past week was like the worst ever and on wednesday when i was on duty in the college office she came by and she brought me dinner, which i greatly appreciated because i hadn't eaten all day. and it was dinner that she cooked herself, yummm. i felt lucky, and she made my day a whole lot better. and on friday she took me to central islip to see the school district where i need to do observations. thennn we got lunch together. she's such a sweetheart. i miss her cuz i haven't seen her since then. i also miss katie, my mom, and my boyfriend. stupid texas, stupid london, and stupid garrison.
training day is a pretty crazy ass movie. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| “Espero que la marcha sea feliz y espero no volver."
her hands are in the air again
stripped of pride
she was waiting for a sign to be let in
she tried to stop a train for him
without shoes
and he was so amused
she needs a reason to parade on
she needs a new road to pave
she needs a reason to parade on
it's wearing her outsides thin
there's someone there to save
you wonder why she gives and gives
till it burns
and there is nothing he can give her in return
she'd live and die by make-believe
her frozen heart
well he can't wait around while she gets blown apart
the distance won't know which way you should go
cuz we are not built so we can float
we are what we are
but that seems so far
parting the Red Sea is easier
it's time to introduce herself
she's dethroned
like some lonesome dusty book upon his shelf
well she needs a reason to parade on
she needs a new road to pave
she needs a reason to parade on
it's wearing her outsides thin
there's someone there to save
there's nothing i can say | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i'm officially pathetic. not really a news flash.
so nostalgic...for spain, for my family, for you, and mostly for a simpler time that i'm probably imagining. every moment in which my mind is not occupied, each ounce of energy i do not expend on my own meaningless daily tasks - it's consumed by the nothingness that has so quickly taken your place. i've cried every day this week. my heart is overtaken with the sting of resentment. i'm so angry with you for leaving me. i do not want to be, but how can i help it? i crave the closeness that is presently denied me by the ocean that separates us by your will and not by mine. your face flashes into my mind involuntarily at all the wrong moments. in class, while i'm trying to sleep, in the empty aisles of a twenty-four hour grocery store for god's sake. the instant i think of you, i remember not the four [mostly] beautiful years we've shared thus far, but instead of the four lonely months that lie ahead. at that moment, i long for you, and therefore i long for december. and what good does that do me- to wish for something that will come only when it pleases? i want you. but i don't want you on some abstract and obscure level of which my own life is not a part. i want you. in my own life, and without sacrificing a chunk of my soul every time you decide to leave me. i do not mind giving up my soul or my heart or anything if you'll take it. but it just....goes away. it's not with you or with anyone, it just slowly disappears. i'm so tired. i'm tired of wishing my life away. for you. i don't want to disappear. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | :'( | | Time: | 02:38 pm |
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| I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me
I'm so hollow, baby
i'm so hollow | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i won a 1,000 dollar scholarship and an award from my department at stony brook. my professor told me he was nominating me and it was nice of him/flattering, but i didn't really think i'd win. but i did!! it's for most promising work in early american history or history of the new york region. so yay. :) i got the email from the department director today and the money is already credited to my account for next year.
today was a great day. on top of getting the scholarship, i looked to see if any more grades had been posted and it turns out that i got an A- in education...the class that i thought would kill my gpa (i was grossin my fingers for like a B and about to be relatively satisfied with a B-). my mex history teacher gave me an A but i already knew that cuz he told me. :) now i'm just waiting on the other 3: modern euro history, US criminal justice history, and music history. those classes should pretty much be shoe-in As. but i shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. also today, i went to my nana and pop's for lunch and had homemade chicken noodle soup. then i came home and got my brother from school and my uncle joe showed up at the house to say hi cuz i told him i was coming home this week. and he stayed for a while and we just bullshitted and such. thennnn i hung out with my mom for a bit before heading over to west point to see KATIE!!!! and rachel. :) so fun. we got food, which was great. park restaurant coffee freakin rules. and katie got me a pink hat and tshirt from UT and they're cuuuute. :) my suitemates would laugh at me....i own like all pink clothing haha. everytime they see something pink in the stores they think of me and want to get it for me LoL.
so yay for a fun day. i hope i get this job for the summer. have an interview thingy on friday. if i don't, i'll still be working at sandy's a few days a week, which isn't paying, but it's fun and good experience, blah de blah. :)
on a slightly depressing note, i miss my boyfriend. but he'll be here soon enough, i suppose. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| under the weight of your wings
you are a god and whatever i want you to be
and i wonder if truly you are
nearly as beautiful as i believe
in my head, your voice
you've got all that i need
and this make-believe will get me through another
lonely night
...fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
melancholy and cool, kinda bittersweet
love on repeat
i'm echoing all your philosophies...
i love that song. today i took my last final (at 8 in the damn morning!) and now i'm just waiting for my mom to get here so i can pack the car and get the hell outta here. though, it's bittersweet because i'll be moving into another building next semester and jenn and steph are both transferring, so it'll just be me, susan, and ali....so sad. but we're getting together in a few weeks for ali's birthday, which is good. :) i can't wait to see my family, and katie, and michael (though i won't see HIM for a couple more weeks). pray that my exams all went as well as i think they did! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i don't like feeling trapped. i also don't like feeling like i'm trapping someone else. so why am i in this situation time and again? i can't speak my mind because the things that come out produce too many problems that you don't have the time to address. and if i don't say what i need to, it just brews in me and pokes at me all day and makes me feel like a needy bitch. i can't believe it's come to this. when did i become this person that i don't even like? i don't really believe that i'm expecting too much, but yet my confidence is shaken and i feel completely pathetic. why should i justify the things i need and deserve? and why do you have to make me feel like i'm that girl? did i let you turn me into her...into this codependent girly girl who can't live a day without you? why do you not see how goddamn vulnerable i am? i don't want to call because you obviously don't want to discuss the things that are a problem for me. i try and try over and over again and you just fucking sit idly by. when exactly did this role reversal happen? i'm constantly pulling things out of my ass to make this whole thing work and you're just standing there!
this is completely unfair. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait?
just one chance
just one breath
just in case this just wont last
cuz you know
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
too far away for far too long
i keep dreaming
you'll be with me and you never go
i'll stop breathing if i don't see you anymore
on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
cuz with you, i'd withstand
all hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
it'd be for us
give anything, but i won't give up
cuz you know
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
too far away for far too long
i keep dreaming
you'll be with me and you never go
i'll stop breathing if i don't see you anymore
i wanted
i wanted you to stay
cuz i needed
i need to hear you say
i love you
i've loved you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
cuz i'm not leaving you anymore
believe it
hold onto me and never let me go | | comments: Leave a comment |
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